i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
