Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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