Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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