I didn't shave. On purpose
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
