Kiss
Puke
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
