I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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