took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
