Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
