i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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