She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
