You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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