Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
