I want to stick my p in your. b.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
