one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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