what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
