they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need water and some morals
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
