I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
