when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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