That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
