How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
