shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
