Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
