this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
