Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I still have a little drunk in my system
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
