he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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