I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
