i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sext me about skeletons
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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