Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and she was petting her beer can
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My bed smells like the plague
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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