Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
