I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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