i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
