I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
