Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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