Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
