absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
