1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
