I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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