I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
