rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
