Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
