he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just gargled with NyQuil
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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