laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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