Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
