i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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