happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
