he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
