Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
