were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
