I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
