Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
