bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
