2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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