So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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