I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
