Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize