Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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