my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
