I think my vagina is haunted
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
