TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
