you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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