i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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