We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
