I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
