and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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