i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
