Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
