I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
