drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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