there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
