I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
