Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
