Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i believe in u and ur pee
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
