It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
