dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
