yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
