Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
