who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
