Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
