my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
