I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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