allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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