i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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